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How to find love: the 5 questions to ask yourself

To love and to be loved is the deepest desire of each of us. But how do you find the person with whom to live this love with a capital A? How to meet, recognize each other, build a happy romantic relationship, and if possible lasting? To find your route, take a GPS and ask yourself the right questions.

How to find love: the 5 questions to ask yourself

Faced with a girl who makes his heart beat, Tim feels shy and awkward, paralyzed in place and totally unable to express his feelings.

Clara, she would dream of being loved as she is, but doubts her ability to please. Less beautiful than her friend Elise, less thin than the top models in magazines.
As for Candice, she almost forbids herself to believe in love. “Everything seems so complicated to me. I have already experienced disappointments and I don’t want to suffer anymore.”

However, all ask THE question without daring to say it: how to find the one with whom to live this love with a capital A? It’s hard to find a unique answer where life will invent a thousand paths. Five avenues of reflection can however help to find its way.

 

1 / What love are you looking for?

What love do you dream of? One-night stand, intense adventure “just for the holidays”, “boyfriend or girlfriend to no longer be alone”, ongoing relationship “and more if affinities” … Better to be clear with yourself, given the many meaning of the word “love” in French (can’t we make love without love?)

“The deepest desire of the young people we meet is to live a stable romantic relationship, to build a lasting couple and a family” , notes Gwénola D., speaker on affectivity in schools.

And this remains true for many adults, if we are to believe the results of a survey carried out for Valentine’s Day among 1000 singles looking for a soul mate: 58% of them are looking for a person first ” faithful “, but also” sincere “(49.9%) with whom to share human values ​​and build a life project, or even a family.

If this is your project, the means of achieving it will therefore not be the same as if it is only a question of living a “love affair”.

 

2 / Should we try to seduce?

This is a question most shy people ask themselves, or those who doubt their ability to please. Others, on the contrary, play to the depths of their physique and their natural “charms”, with the opposite risk of multiplying the conquests … without succeeding in forging a serious relationship.

“Everywhere I went I spotted the hottest girl, says Eddy, the one who attracted all eyes, both by her outfit and by her looks. But I was quickly ‘saturated’ with this little game that never was leading nowhere. I told myself that if I didn’t want to end up as an ‘old handsome’ slayer but dramatically alone, I had to see things differently. ”

Admittedly, the survey already cited shows that single people also look for charm (26.8%), a positive attitude towards life (22.5%), and a pleasant physique (19.7%) in the “ideal partner”. %).

There is therefore no question of evacuating the physical dimension of the romantic relationship, as explained by Catherine de Thé, an affectivity worker trained in Teen star pedagogy. But if you want to build a great Love, the body, of course, cannot be enough, the whole person will be involved.

So, should we try to seduce? “the idea is to be in peace with your body, to maintain it, to take care of it, explains Céline Peter, psychologist and coach. But you also have to feel beautiful inside, and adopt a positive attitude. with oneself “.

In the end, it is not a “flirting technique” that will lead you to love, but the ability to gradually form a relationship where you can say and show yourself as you are, share your feelings. ideas, your dreams, your inner world. Then the “charm” can really operate.

 

3 / How to meet people?

Between websites of all styles and the circumstances offered by life (studies, activities, work, parties, etc.), there is no lack of opportunities.

But if you are looking to build a “serious” romantic relationship, be consistent: don’t look for the woman of your life on a one-night stand. Why expect from the other what you yourself are not doing? “If you are looking for a lasting relationship on the internet , do not hesitate to let it know from the first exchanges.” You have to be cash, immediately announce the color to the person opposite “, advises Chantal Raymond, marriage counselor.

Still a teenager? Rather, let life take its course and concentrate on your projects, your friendships, deploy your talents and your personality: you thus finish building yourself, which prepares you better to love than by trying to form a “baby couple” too soon. . Forge deep friendships, travel, forge your values.

“Love comes when we are ready to receive it and to give it fully”

“Love comes naturally when you are ready to receive it and give it fully, answers a psychologist to a 17-year-old girl who complains on a forum about not having a boyfriend: In fact, you only give what you we have, consequently, fill yourselves with beautiful stories of life, of reading, of study, of very diverse friendly human encounters. You can then bring them to your future couple! ”

Very often, in fact, great encounters happen … when you don’t think about it, because you discover that someone is walking a little on the same road as yourself, that they share centers of interest, ideas, but also attracts us by his personality …

 

4 / How do I know if I really like it?

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The meeting made, the path does not always go in a straight line. After love at first sight or the great emotions at the beginning, you may be disappointed or have doubts.

As long as tensions or an argument arise, many think they are wrong. “It wasn’t that”, “It wasn’t for me…” Very often, young couples confuse love with an emotion, or a pure feeling. They idealize love and become afraid as soon as their feelings change, ”explains Chantal Raymond.

It takes a little time to walk together, get to know each other and communicate in depth. The first feeling can thus deepen, take root, accept, sometimes, disappointments and frustrations … The attraction then really becomes love because we learn to love the other as he or she is. it is, and not as we would like it to be.

 

5 / How to make this love last?

Another big question. Here again, nothing is automatic: the duration, which often goes with fidelity, can only result from a choice and a common project to be built as a couple .

Do you want to form a lasting couple together? Are you loyal? get married or make some other commitment? Building a family? Nothing is obvious these days, also, more than ever, it will be necessary to discuss these subjects together, not to be afraid to say your ideal, to evoke your values ​​…

This first allows you to verify that you are on the same wavelength. If so and you want to build a common project, don’t be afraid to get involved, even if you can take it step by step. Otherwise, don’t be afraid to break up … to make yourself available for another meeting. Put the GPS on your course, believe in yourself and trace your route towards this great Love.

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